I am mainly writing to satisfy your curiosity: “Why is this Russian waving American flags with us? Is he really a patriot? Is he a Soviet spy?”
Also, I am publishing sample chapters for my future book and testing your reaction to them: How authentically cynical I can allow myself to be around you vs. how much I must sugarcoat the harsh reality.
I also want to tell you how my views differ from mainstream conservatism — I did not simply trade the ideology of the Communist Party for the ideology of the Capitalist Party.
I hope that I don’t have to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings by sharing my authentic views, as much as I had to with liberals.
- The medicine is bitter — the bitterer, the more potent!
- If one can’t stand the bitterness of the potion,
- one may rest well in a grave full of sweet illusions,
- As the bitterness of the medicine is what keeps us sober and vigilant.
COVID was announced as a bubonic plague that swept through the country, leaving piles of bloated corpses along the streets. My liberal friends self-isolated and self-eliminated. Miraculously, I had no chronic pain for the first two weeks of COVID. I drank a lot of Corona and barbecued with my non-political friend. We celebrated the zombie apocalypse.
In April 2020, my health was improving rapidly. I went through a phase of intense enlightenment. I published my writing on a liberal website, like The Tentacle. Many people liked it, yet I experienced increasing judgement and censorship that limited what I could express — still better than writing Letters to the Editor of the Frederick News Post that never got published.
I wrote about people who are left out of the welfare system that was built by the liberals, who claim to love all humanity. I tried to bring attention to the inconsistencies in the liberal/Democrat narrative. I still hoped to find good people within the liberal establishment and to secure their support to fight the bigotry. I naively proposed that representatives need to be invited from their communities to negotiate how Frederick County should deal with COVID so all citizens’ interests would be considered.
I even had a zoom meeting with Dr. Brookmeyer, the head of the Frederick Health Department. I realized how little influence she has over what The Party decides. Unfortunately, I also understand that when there are too many people and too few opportunities, the boat gets rocked until enough people fall overboard. Or a common enemy is found. Can I trust the county government to decide who gets to live and who gets to die? My personal experience told me otherwise. Would they use COVID as an opportunity to purge disloyal subjects and to advance their agenda? Probably.
In the past I met many men who worked manual labor and lost their health before reaching the retirement age. They receive no welfare help from the taxes they paid, have no voice within the establishment. I tried to communicate that disenfranchised workers support ‘evil’ Donald Trump, because liberals remain blind to their hardships. Also — if they want less homeless, incarceration overdoses and suicides, the southern border must be closed to reduce competition for unskilled jobs — basic “supply and demand”.
Ten Days of Fasting
I entered a fast at the end of October. I was spiritually depleted and no longer felt guided by what some people describe as god or higher power. I decided that I will end it when I find answers or when my questions would no longer matter…
I have a chronic illness — a ten day fast is like going on a ten-day break — I no longer endure pain and discomfort from eating and digesting food — I only drink water.
First two days are the most difficult. Seven years ago, I fasted for twenty-six days.
Fasting is a different mode of existence. I became more forgiving and patient; I lost my hastiness. I was a passive observer of time, as it flowed past me like a big river.
I asked myself: which of the two American political factions is, overall, more capable of forgiveness?
To be continued…
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