Malta Colony, Montana – “When shall we three meet again,/in thunder lightening or in rain. When the hurlyburlys done /when the battle’s lost and won.”

The Salsbury Ranch, Malta, MT – I flew to Montana from Frederick to visit my new granddaughter Leeila, my daughter Mary and her husband Cody. They took me to one of the spring highlights known as branding.

Middletown, Maryland – I landed at Dulles and took the taxi to my dear friend’s house on Braddock Heights determined to close out my life in Frederick County. Five years ago, when I left, I had planned only to live in Malaysian Borneo for one year. However, life happens.

Searching for a way home from Kuching, Malaysian Borneo is a daunting task every time I try to make plane reservations. I usually start about three months before departure trying to find the best deal.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – An old joke tells of a Franciscan, a Dominican and a Jesuit who are arrested during the Russian revolution for spreading the Christian, capitalist gospel, and thrown into a dark prison cell. In a bid to restore the light, each man reflects on the traditions of his own order.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – They really don’t know where they came from. Or why. The villagers came ashore and moved into a kampung in Sabah, on the northeast coast of Malaysian Borneo Island.

Kuching, Malaysian, Borneo – The soldiers from the Malaysian Army were “securing the perimeter” around a kampung where about 80-100 villagers from the Philippines had decided to reside after coming ashore on February 12. Somebody said they called themselves the “Army of the Sultan of Sulu.”

Kuching, Malaysian, Borneo – In probably the most bizarre invasion of a country ever to occur, a group between 100 and 300 people, depending on who you ask, invaded Malaysia last week. They were either heavily armed or a rag tag group of old men, nobody here seems to be sure.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – Borneo has between 2,500 and 3,000 species of orchids on the island. I have eight on my balcony overlooking the Sarawak River. I had only three and was wishing and hoping they die so I wouldn’t have to be bothered with them anymore. No such luck.

It has been a mild monsoon season. The rains that usually last three or four months around the clock have waited until the night or early morning hours. Most days are cloudy with peaks of sun; and we can usually walk along the river, or into town without an umbrella.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – Write a comic book? A local publisher, after seeing my book Borneo Tom, asked me to write a comic book based on some of the stories of the history and peoples of Borneo Island. My problem was, I had never done it before, but that wasn’t going to stop me.

For those of us who wander around the Internet and especially Facebook, one can’t help but wonder about the deterioration of the language. Words that were forbidden through my lifetime seem to have moved into common usage.

Gunung Gading, Malaysian Borneo – The rafflesia* is in bloom! The small poster informed on one of our walks through Kuching Town. My wife Suriani had never seen the world’s largest flower and I immediately made reservations for a car and driver to take us to the forest.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – My first presidential campaign was in 1964 with Lyndon Johnson. I was 12. I passed out literature in my neighborhood, stuffing rural mailboxes with cards that said “LBJ for the USA.”

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – For the past month, I have been immersed in conversations I have been having with Japanese businessmen in my building. This experience has opened a new world for me into corporate structure and the problems of that nation’s economy.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – I knew I wouldn’t like Facebook. I had joined the social network to sell my book “Borneo Tom” a few years ago. In the beginning, I accepted “friends” from everywhere. Each morning and evening I “liked” everything without reading the post. It took maybe 45 seconds.

When the Nobel Prize in Literature was earned by Chinese national Mo Yan, I decided to tackle one of his books. The major reason was to help me comprehend the Oriental mind through literature. I teach and live among the Chinese here in Malaysian Borneo, and I thought this would help me understand their history and culture.

Kampung Demak Baru, Malaysian Borneo – I learned how to plant bananas. I had always thought it would be difficult because of the tiny seeds in the fruit. In my imagination, one had to take the bitsy spores and scatter them on soil.

It has been a few years since Mom and Dad passed away but I remember the torture I went through to try and figure out what to get them for Christmas. Even now, the thought makes me shudder.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – As many can attest, sleeping in on a Saturday morning with a two year old becomes a distant past. Dzul’s (my son) energy level far exceeds that contained in several cups of coffee.

I should say: “Now let us put our divisiveness behind us and move forward together. We are all Americans and need to cross the aisle with love and friendship, to compromise on the great challenges and move our beloved nation forward.

I have always said weather forecasters and economists are the only two professions where individuals can make mistake after mistake without getting fired. The same people continue to be employed as if nothing had happened after a fiasco of a prediction.

Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney firmly believes he can change the economy. He knows his methods will bring a turn around and launch America onto a course of prosperity and growth. He is convinced that by putting into place his knowledge and experience from his business practices America will emerge stronger.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – “An angel and a little devil,” I exclaim as both my wife, Suriani and my son, Dzul, walk out of the bedroom each morning. I usually arise an hour or so before them, checking my e-mails, wandering through Facebook and sipping a huge mug of coffee.

American farmers are the back bone of our country. They toil to bring forth the harvest for people around the world consume. Up at sunrise, they mount their trusty tractor and till the soil, nurturing each seedling to bring forth the fruits of their labors.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – Throughout the popular press, and with some well-meaning environmental groups, a movement has arisen where hunters and gatherers should be allowed to continue their nomadic lifestyle. They portray these individuals in an idyllic manner, living in a Garden of Eden, wandering half-naked in the jungles.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – The Middle East nations are composed of families that I will rightfully or wrongly, call tribes. These tribes are composed of several hundred or thousand of family members united together because of relationships.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – Living in a Muslim country and being a science person, one is often confronted with the dilemma of the eternal question of who created man, God or evolution. Many of my young kampung friends ask me the question; I usually squirm and sputter, not wanting to give an answer.

Kampung Demak Baru, Borneo – My wife’s parents have become very elderly. Taking care of their quarter acre plot has become a challenge and I elected to help them out. After five or more years of seaside and condo living, I was anxious to get back to gardening.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – I suppose it has crossed your mind when visiting TheTentacle.com. Why in the world would anyone who spent most of his life in the Middletown Valley of Maryland choose to travel halfway ‘round the world to live? The answer is quite simple. It’s the food.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – The Republican Convention was broadcast live here over the satellite cable company Astro. It aired from 8 A.M. until noon on CNN International, headquartered in London.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – The preparations for the celebration of Hari Raya or Eid usually begins during the fasting month of Ramadan. The paint store in town displays cans of colorful products that spill out the front door onto the sidewalk. The most sought after colors are green, the color of Islam, or yellow, the royal colors of Malaysia.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – On Friday morning last, Malaysia awoke to the news that happened while most were asleep because of the time difference. Nobody expected a young woman from rural Borneo to earn a Bronze Medal in 10-meter platform diving because, in the past, Malaysia had only placed in badmitten, never any other sport.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – I have a good friend who is really into orangutans. He runs a rehab center near here where he takes care of each of them as if they were his children. Truth be told, they are.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – Piers Morgan’s interview with Mitt Romney was broadcast here via cable on CNN London. It was the first in depth dialog I have watched with the Republican contender.

Bako National Park, Malaysian Borneo – My daughters had only six days here. Six days! Actually, they had 10 days, but four of those were spent traveling back and forth to visit us in Borneo.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – William Wordsworth’s thoughts, written more than 200 years ago in his narrative poem “Michael, came to mind the other day when exciting news penetrated by addling brain.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – I expected a wave of Republican jubilation that would even rock my island home here on Borneo. Reluctantly, I turned on CNN just as they switched to the U.S. broadcast from the London feed we receive here.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – The stone grows and gets larger and larger, therefore it has mystical and magical properties. That is one of the legends I had heard about a sand stone outcropping located, appropriately, on Rock Road here in Kuching.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – Once upon on a time there was a kampung that had a huge tree that shaded the houses into almost total darkness. The twilight would not allow a garden to grow the vegetables needed to prepare food. The people had to go into town to purchase the items.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – I have always been interested in roots. I tried o track down my family origins but got stuck in the 1860 census.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – Manhattan Island was traded for a handful of beads? When I was growing up, this is one of the stories about how English colonists duped the American Indians. However, from their perception, nobody could ever own the land as it was as free as the air.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – “That many dynasties,” I asked as I started my lessons about identifying ancient Chinese pottery. As with most beginning collectors, I began my research after I had purchased about eight pieces.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – I never thought I would get interested in cannons, let alone own four of them. I had always thought of these guns as sitting on courthouse lawns, exhibits on civil war battlefields or thrusting shells toward Japanese held islands in the Pacific.

Kuching, Malaysia Borneo – Spirits and ghost and other things that go bump in the night! My latest acquisitions have been Borneo masks that represent the other world. My collection of more than 20 is from the Iban people.

Kuching, Malaysia Borneo – Sometimes, Suriani, Dzul and I cross the river for dinner. There is nothing Biblical in this; and it has become second nature, like getting in your car and going to a diner in the states.

Bako, Malaysian Borneo – I have always thought of salt water as a cleansing remedy for all that ails you. When my children, niece and nephew were in Ocean City, MD, I always told them to go in the water when they had a health problem.

Bako, Malaysian Borneo – “Mr. Allnut, says Rosie, played by Katherine Hepburn to her boat mate. “Yes, Miss,” replies Charlie acted by Humphrey Bogart in the classic film “African Queen.”

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – I really don’t like spiders and I never have. But I realize there are those on this planet who find them fascinating.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – “Yea, that’s nice,” I said to my wife while glancing at a piece of pottery. My mind always avoided anything Chinese because I didn’t understand, nor did I want to understand Chinese writing.

Kuching, Malaysia Borneo – Since I quit teaching I can now get back to one of my hobbies, my Kris collection. A Kris is a weapon unique to the Malay world and akin to a dagger. There are pictures of these on my Facebook page, Borneo Tom.

“I have to have it,” I said to my wife. She rolled her eyes at me. The object of my desire was a 12-foot totem pole carved into a log of Iron wood. It was exquisite. Two figures crudely hacked into the strongest wood on the planet.

I am against abortion. I believe it is the most despicable event that could happen to a life that has been given and to the mother. I believe it is a sin against God and nature.

I had made arrangements for the return of my illness but did not expect it so soon after my two-month tour of the states. It started on Friday with the buzzing in my body increasing, and by Saturday I felt I had gripped a running lawn mower.

Kuching Malaysian Borneo – I was asked to try to explain to a local Malaysian the Republican primary process in the states. Here is an excerpt.

Kuching Malaysian Borneo – “Sayang, Sayang!* Porn Stars are on! Come quick, you will miss porn stars,” my bride exclaimed.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – There are no “amber waves of grain” here in tropical Borneo, hence, no bread. The white air sold as “bread” in the very few stores that carry it does not even stand up to a knife spreading melted butter. It usually tears becoming an orb of gob.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – The first stop on our weekend jaunt was to the Indonesian-Malaysian border town of Serikan. I had been told about this shopping bazaar with its cut-rate prices since I arrived a few years back and most people made it seem they were giving away merchandise.  It has been touted as the “Mall of America” of Borneo.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – I am really not that concerned about these reptilian serpents or any of the other 12 animals that glide by every Chinese New Year. However, living here, one cannot help but join in the festivities.

I am not exactly the poster child for vasectomy. Two years ago, I went to see a doctor who must have sterilized most of the men, who wanted the procedure, in Frederick County.

Los Angeles CA – Later in life I became a fan of old movies. I can watch them over and over again. I think I have seen Casablanca at least 30 times and always see something new. I still stand at attention when they play the Marseilles.

Venice Beach, CA – Two leggy, busty, 20-something girls clad scantily in green were standing next to a sign with a huge green cross smiling at passersby. With that kind of advertising, I could not help but stop and ask what they were selling. Behind them, a narrow walk up climbed to an upper floor.

San Francisco – It was place of love, sex and drugs. And I was lucky enough to have been there. Haight Ashbury, filled with wonderful long haired, guys and girls, was the center of the action, crowded with the spirit of anti-war and pro- everything.

Middletown, MD – We traveled to the place I call home in the states. Even in stark winter, the Middletown Valley holds an incredible natural beauty, a sense of peace and calm as one descends from Braddock Mountain to the floor.

Malta, MT – My daughter’s wedding! This was my Borneo wife’s first participation in a life passage of my family and she longed to make a good impression. She wanted to look good. I mean real good!

Malta, Montana – Island Airways? In Montana? In Montana? This was the airline we were supposed to take from Billings to Glasgow for my daughter’s wedding. Montana just does not conjure in my mind palm trees, sandy beaches and azure seas. In fact, I don’t think there is an island anywhere in Big Sky country.

It has been a few years since Mom and Dad passed away but I remember the torture I went through to try and figure out what to get them for Christmas. Even now, the thought makes me shudder.

In route to Frederick from Kuching – I swore my child would not be the one to keep the entire airplane awake with howling as so many others have done in my travels. I had all the medicines; cold remedies, knock out drops and stomach powders from the village.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – “Where did those skulls come from,” I asked myself. I was standing on a walkway peering into a turret where a basket containing several skulls hung from the ceiling. There was no explanation, just a basket of skulls.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – “What happens when they bring the skulls home from a raid,” was the question I had been seeking an answer. A couple of days ago, I came across a volume published in 1963 that held several early accounts of head hunting.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo and Sambas, Indonesian Borneo – Headhunting in Borneo is often portrayed as an act of warfare between two groups living in the forests. The idea that the victors surveyed the battlefield and took heads as a trophy is often recounted to western anthropologists and historians.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – Borneo was known for its headhunters. Its legacy can still be found in longhouses and museums where skulls usually in a rattan basket, hung from the ceiling.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – “What do we need a goat for?” I asked my wife after she informed me we needed to get one. I had visions of the four legged creature living on the balcony overlooking the Sarawak River eating my carefully tended orchids.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – In my many experiences with the orangutan, reading the literature and speaking to the experts, one does not shoo it away. Similarly, when one encounters a grizzly bear in Montana, one does not try to get close enough to ensure a digital image that shows the human and Ursus arctos horribilis are best of friends.

I would like to write to you to complain about the current money problems here in America. I am tired of you blaming us.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – When I came to Malaysia, I had promised myself I would read the classics. For many years, I had been immersed in science and political theory, so I jumped at the chance to teach a course known as Literature in English.

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia – I always hate leaving my island paradise in Kuching for the country’s capital. The American Embassy was calling me to secure a visa for my wife and a birth registration for my eight month old son, Dzul.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – I have to go to the capital of Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur, and I detest going there. I have to visit the United States Embassy to get a passport for my son and a visa for my wife for our yearly visit to the states. I am married to a local Malaysian.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – We begin with anticipation. Raya does not officially start until the new moon of the Islamic month of Syawal and has been sighted by the Islamic Rulers.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – One of the joys of living in Borneo is one gets to meet some of the top scientist from around the world. Being a biologist, I was eager to attend a talk about Deer Cave, the second largest cave in the world.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – The elections in Thailand were peaceful despite the exaggerated fears of trouble. Yingluck Shinawatra defeated Abhisit Wethchiwa, the current prime minister.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – “Nattering nabobs of negativism,” the infamous quote by tragic-comic Vice President Spiro Agnew, seems to be the emotional mind set of the planet.

Kampung Demak Baru, Malaysian Borneo – “Another dinner,” I said salivating at the thought of my mother-in-law’s cooking. My wife had asked me to attend a prayer memorial on the anniversary of her grandfather’s death, a tradition here in Malaysian Borneo.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – My daughter Christine arrived after a grueling 32-hour Dulles to Kuching flight, including two missed connections and enough airport time to register and vote in the country of transit. Our eyes met and we waved through the glass where I was standing, observing the arriving passengers retrieve their luggage.

Mulu, Borneo – After a refreshing drink and rest at the jungle station, we walked a further kilometer to the first cave. Lang Cave, a small non-descript cavern which snaked back into the mountain.

Mulu, Borneo – The 40-seat plane had about eight of us aboard as it banked toward the runway in the middle of the jungle. We slowly taxied to the terminal which was as large as my home in Middletown. The men unloaded the few bags from the craft onto a gurney and pulled it to the open luggage receiving counter.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – Not too many other westerners live here in Kuching. Mostly they are Australians or British who work for companies manufacturing or assembling various components for computers. They are the managers who ensure whatever they are making proceeds smoothly.

Even when he was deep into his Alzheimer’s state, Dad always seemed to know when it was Memorial Day – Decoration Day, as he called it. I guess it might have been the war movies that showed constantly on the television that clued him in, or maybe he just knew.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – I am sure there have been millions, no billions, of words written about how technology has frustrated the people who reside on this planet. And here are a few more.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – First he was a politician. He wanted to create an empire that began with Pakistan and Afghanistan, and then spread worldwide. He tried in Saudi Arabia and Sudan but was asked to leave both of those countries. His own family, the bin Ladens, disowned him. Maybe.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – Donald Trump, the current front runner for the Republican nomination according to this morning’s Borneo Post via the Associated Press, has blasted Barack Obama for not doing enough to have China adjust its currency. According to him and many others, the president should continue to apply pressure on Beijing to make the Renminbi more expensive.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – It is incomprehensible to understand why someone would strap a bomb to their body and blow themselves to bits in the name of a religion and a god. It is also incomprehensible why someone would burn a religious book in Florida knowing it could endanger the lives of their countrymen overseas. They are the same people, just different places.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – I guess age is a state of mind. One can be old at 25 and young at 60. I hope I am the later. But, I try and tell my body that I am 25 and it just does not want to cooperate.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – I just read about that nut case who has a following of so-called “Christians” in Florida, who burned the Qu’ran two weeks ago. I believe it was below the 16th story under “latest headlines” on America On Line.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – I work with a British lady who teaches in the same school. To say she’s not opinioned is like saying a Tea Party person does not want to balance the budget.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – I really can’t understand why the United States needs a balanced budget. It has happened so rarely in our history.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – The militarization of China, one of the many passing comments usually buried as an aside in the international commentaries, brings forth the possibility of territorial acquisitions through conquest. There are several parallels now in play with the Japanese tsunami in the early 1940’s.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – I knew something was wrong but I didn’t know what. My classrooms are located on the fourth floor and the climb up on the cement steps has been a bit rough. I know I am fit enough to wander the jungle. but cement and my feet just don’t mesh.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – When my son was born, we elected to choose a name reflecting his mixed heritage. By tradition, if the child was a girl, my wife would name him; and if a boy, I had the honors.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – I read with great concern the statements by Frederick County Commissioners Kirby Delauter and C. Paul Smith about their views on the role of mothers in society. They seem to feel that by cutting Head Start funds, mothers will be forced to stay home with their children and society will be better.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – I guess being a father at age 60 is like having a grandson except the child never leaves. Dzul, sleeps, eats and poops around here all the time, morning, noon and night. I really don’t mind because my wife has the equipment to feed him so I am relived of sterilizing bottles.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – Decorated with rabbits as the New Year draws near, Kuching stores and coffee shops have all taken on a festive mood. Red lanterns, paper streams and Chinese characters painted in gold on red paper brighten up even the most dismal décor.

Kampung Santubong and Matang Wildlife Center – “Daddy, you tried to kill us” was the refrain from the cell phone as I checked on her and her boyfriend at the hotel. Located at the base of Mount Santubong, they had just finished their six-hour trek up and down the 800- meter hill to some, a mountain to others.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – As most of you know I have taken a teaching position here. I instruct at the Lodge International School. This institution matriculates children from the overseas community.

Seri Aman, Malaysian Borneo – I am just getting around to writing about one of the towns we visited before the birth of my son Dzul. We were on our way to Brunei on the only road north in Borneo when he suddenly decided to greet the world a month early a few towns later. See previous columns about that adventure (http://www.thetentacle.com/author.cfm?MyAuthor=34).

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – The celebration of the birth of my son, a tradition here, got off to a slow start. We were supposed to be there at 10 A.M., according to my wife’s father; but my son Dzul was being uncooperative releasing his bowels several times as we attempted to leave the condo.

Kuching, Malaysian, Borneo – In the Sarawak Malay world, the mother is usually confined to the kampung house for about 40 days. (interesting how that number keeps coming up).

Sibu and Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – Following the delivery of my third child and first son via C-section, a sterile clothed masked person handed me a package wrapped in plastic. She informed it was the placenta.

They pushed my wife into the operating room minus the cats, mosquitoes and the Iban boys. I was delegated to a small room outside the theater to wait. A young Chinese lady waited with me and I tried to strike up a conversation. She wanted nothing to do with me, preferring the critters in the corridor instead.

Sibu, Malaysian Borneo – We arrived at the government hospital emergency room and automatic events began to unfold. Suriani was placed in a wheel chair and raced to the maternity world with me and the Food and Beverage manager along with the maid racing behind. Sometimes, we lost sight of her in the maze we had to navigate.

“Ambulance!” I yelled in the phone to the lady at the front desk from our hotel room in Sibu, Malaysian Borneo.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – My wife, now heavy with child, precludes any airline travel, our wandering lifestyle vastly curtailed. We decided to explore the local attractions we had missed.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – As part of the preparation of the birth of my son, I am trying to understand some of the local Borneo customs. One of them needed modification for my American sensibilities.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – I am just glad that none of the reported horrible television and radio ads, flyers, signs and other rhetoric ever made it here to Borneo. Although I think it came close. Maybe I carried some of that baggage back here with me from my recent visit.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – When my wife and I visited Frederick last month, I ran into a candidate for county commissioner. “Okay, Kai, what do you have against incinerators?” I asked. “Too expensive”, he replied” standard answer for everything I thought.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – Why haven’t I sold my house in Middletown since I now live on Malaysian Borneo? The answer lies in the fact that I want to return to Frederick County at some point with my wife and son.

On my long flight to and from the United States, I usually end up in the galley following the dictates of healthy flying on our long Malaysia Airline journey from our home in Kuching, Malaysian Borneo to Los Angeles, a 26 hour journey from door to door.

[Editor’s Note: Suriani, Tom McLaughlin's wife, has completed her first trip to America. They are flying home today. Here is a list of some of her favorite things, most of which are not found in Kuching, Borneo, Malaysia, where she is from, and where she and Tom live.]

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – In Part One last week, I described Singapore’s repressive politics, the publication of a book critical of the judiciary and the subsequent arrest of the book’s author, Alan Shadrake. I then asked him via email what he thought the outcome of his trial may be:

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – Probably most people in the western world don’t think about Singapore. When they do, it’s probably about some dot some place that has something to do with business. If that.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo –I wrote a book and published myself. They delivered them here recently. And they are beautiful.

Kuching, Borneo Island, Malaysia – I don’t have much hope for the species of the world which are connected with Chinese medicine. In fact, we could probably wipe off those critically endangered except for ones in well-guarded wildlife preserves and those in zoos.

The forecasts by many pundits of the upcoming debacle for the Democratic Party in the November elections are wrong, very wrong. They are an insult to the American people.

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – The tourist crowds have thinned markedly this month. The best time to visit Kuching, I think. Euro languages can still be heard but they come from the few backpackers and retirees, who, unfortunately, don’t mix. Hilton and Hostel visitors are on opposite sides of the Borneo experience.

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

While following the unfolding of the contentious Frederick Board of County Commissioners debates, issues seem to center around taxes, jobs and development.

Do I have the right to build a pig farm in my back yard in the Fountaindale subdivision in Middletown? Why not? Living here in Borneo, I could hire someone else to raise the pigs, have large trucks to move them to slaughter and others to rake and muck the soil for the next batch.

Matang Wildlife Center, Kuching, Malaysia – Porcupines? Wandering the jungle? I had never heard of such a thing until my occasional visit with my friends at the wildlife center. Two caged animals, quills bristling and snouts to the ground, had been brought to the center by an individual who became aware of Malaysia’s tough laws for keeping threatened species.

Kuching, Sarawak, Malaysia – The World Cup united everyone here in Kuching. Australians, Germans, Dutch, Malaysians, English, Chinese and many others knew every player, the weaknesses and strengths of each country’s team and can replay every game down to the nano-second. A hearty camaraderie replaced any nationalistic animosities.

Kuching, Sarawak, Malaysia – “Good on yer mate” I yelled at the Hashers crossing the roundabout. “Darling, meet me at my condo tonight at eight” was hurled to all the pretty girls and elderly ladies walking or dashing by. “My god, my ex-wife shows up in my Borneo dream!” I shouted at a particularly ugly man dressed in lipstick, a red dress and a hairy chest.

Kuching, Sarawak, Malaysia – One of the implied guarantees of our U. S. Constitution, and whose concept has been upheld by the Supreme Court in numerous rulings, is the presumption of innocence. A government must presume a person has not committed any crime unless the evidence, which usually must be overwhelming, proves, beyond a reasonable doubt, that an individual is guilty. Then, and only then, can the government deprive an individual of life or liberty.

Ya’an Bifeng Xia, China – The introduction of the panda into wild was the topic of my conversation with Dr. Tang Chunxiang, director and professor of the Ya’an Bifeng Xia (Green Mountain Valley) of China Conservation and Research Center for the Giant Panda, about 150 km from Chengdu, China. Dr. Tang was gracious enough to grant me time from of a very busy schedule.

Kuching, Sarawak, Malaysia – It’s Saturday morning following the opening games of the World Cup. They started here at 10 P.M. and ran through the night because of the time difference. Both matches, South Africa vs. Mexico and Uruguay vs. France, played to a draw.

Chengdu, China – My wife Suriani and I smiled excitedly as we alighted from the taxi at the Panda Research center just a few kilometers from the edge of the town limits of Chengdu. Pandas! Those cute cuddly bears were the reason for our trip and we were finally going to see them.

Chengdu, China – I have always been an antique seeker, and to my delight, my wife also enjoys the challenge of finding treasures. We are always aware that fakes are often sold both here and in America and follow the age old adage of “buyer beware,” one of the many sayings of Confucius.

Chengdu, China – Many of our overseas Chinese friends had warned us. The people in China were rude, crude and totally unlikable, they said. They will cheat and rob. Crime is high. Bargaining is a nightmare and they are a dirty people. They were wrong.

Even when he was deep into his Alzheimer’s state, Dad always seemed to know when it was Memorial Day – Decoration Day, as he called it. I guess it might have been the war movies that showed constantly on the television that clued him in, or maybe he just knew.

The doctor had told us Suriani was with child and we sat there in a state of shock and protested it was impossible. A vasectomy earlier, plus a diagnosis that she could not have children, had all but negated the possibility; but the facts could not be denied. The doctor made an appointment with an ob-gyn for 9 A.M. the next morning to make sure all was well.

Kuching, Malaysia – I have never before had to consider abortion in my personal life. I never, ever thought I would have to as I practiced birth control in all my sexual relationships. Even in college.

Matang Orangutan Rehab Center, Malaysia – The following account is true. The plot was not stolen from the American television program “Glee’ or any daytime drama. Written by long-term wildlife biologist volunteer Leo reviewed and approved by the Sarawak (Malaysia) Forestry Department and directed by an amazing staff of Sarawakian wildlife orang experts.

Kuching, Malaysia – While there, we wandered around the semi-live volcano which I remembered was the reason why I wanted to go there in the first place. Later, while strolling the streets, I stopped at a travel agency and asked about the possibility of flying from Bandung to Banda Ache. The agent said since I was already in Indonesia, my visa was good for that city. She booked us on a flight from Jakarta to the town on Lion Air.

Kuching, Malaysia – I did it again. I misread the airplane ticket and we missed the flight from Kuching to Kuala Lumpur. We had a connection to Banda Aceh and there was another flight in a few minutes, but I knew we have to run to make it.

Bandung, Java Island, Indonesia – “A sidewalk!” I cried. “A real sidewalk!” We were usually walking in the road next to roaring motorcycles and trucks, often able to kiss the driver or his partner on a bike with just a lean over and pucker. Getting excited over this red brick pathway may seem ridiculous until one has spent time dodging vehicles in most Indonesian cities.

Banda Aceh, Indonesia – The first wave was about three meters high, more like a tidal surge. Survivors remember it being boiling hot. The second wave climbed 100 meters pushing over five kilometers inland, carrying a 2,600-metric-ton ship on its back. The third was just as high but with cold water, very cold, traveling almost as far the second. It shifted the ship to another location.

Traveling the Little Sambas River, Borneo, Indonesia – We had hoped to view orangutans. We did. But, it wasn’t what we expected.

Royal Palace, Sambas, Indonesia – Startled, Putri, the Sultan’s mother and caretaker, wondered how I knew about the seven cannons of Sambas. I told her my wife, of royal lineage, had heard stories handed down through her family.

Sambas, Borneo Island, Indonesia – Sambas is a magical place where my wife’s family originated. The prospect of finding sultans, rajahs, palace intrigues and family connections sent us on a journey of a butt-numbing, 15-hour bus ride.

Pontianak, Borneo Island, Indonesia – Pontianak translates to vampire or ghost in Indonesian. According to local lore, the Sultan of Sambas was riding a horse through his kingdom and saw a lady with a hole in her back. This was at the time the area was a snake infested lowland swamp, like Washington is today. He then named the area for vampires.

Ngabang, Landank, Indonesia – Panning for diamonds? I had heard of panning for gold but never for diamonds. This I had to try!

Lake Toba, Sumatra Island, Indonesia – The largest volcanic crater lake in the world did not make much of an impression. Comparing it to the huge, crystal clear bodies of water in Canada, I realized, later, (don’t we always realize things later?) there can be no comparison between bodies of water on one side of the world in the very northern hemisphere to one on the opposite just along the equator.

Tangkahan, Sumatra, Indonesia – The road from Bukit Lawang, where we were staying, to this village was moon cratered, flood gullied and suitable only for motorcycles or four wheel drive.

Bukit Lawang, Sumatra Island, Indonesia – Disaster struck Bukit Lawang in 2003. The logging of the rain forest further up stream coupled with days of torrential downpours sent log laden flood waters into the area. Massive cut trees rammed into the lodges causing death and wiping the slate clean except for the Eco Lodge, which was sensibly built on higher ground. The area has never fully recovered.

Bukit Lawang, Sumatra, Indonesia – The river that divides this tropical village can be jumped with a flying leap by a high school track star. Water rushes through the small valley frothing clear and pure. A swinging bridge connects the two sides with a warning that only a few people can cross at the same time.

Bukit Lawang, Sumatra, Indonesia – The orangutan ambled just ahead of us, we were repeatedly told. The guide and tracker, in constant communication by yelling into a hand phones, kept assuring us the ape lingered very near but when we arrived at the spots, mom and son had just left.

Medan, Indonesia (Sumatra Island) – The guide books all said I should avoid this place. They were right. What a dump! The city stretches from the Straits to the mountains in one long unending blur of low rise buildings, smog and horrific traffic.

Kuching, Malaysia – "Dad you really need to snap out of it!" Mary admonished as I had screwed up the departure day for Chengdu, China. I had lost all track of time and was, to put it mildly, blindly in love.

Kuching, Malaysia – A 6 A.M. wake up the day after your wedding? Yup! That's what time Suriani and I had to arise following our engagement and legal formalities in the kampung. My daughters stayed across the street in my condo while we retired to the Hilton for an exhausted sleep after a playful couple of hours.

Kuching, Malaysia – A beautiful woman sleeping next to me! I had to pinch myself to make sure this was real. Yes, this incredible sensitive being was my wife in a slumber reminiscent of an angel minus the wings. Or maybe she had them stored some place in a closet.

Having asked the question and receiving a positive answer, I never dreamed of the intricacies of the marriage ceremonies. I did not believe they would last a month.

Cambridge, England – My mouth dropped open when I visited Charles Darwin’s dorm room at Christ College at Cambridge University. The area was about 25 feet wide and 40 feet long. A huge fire place occupied one side of the end of the room with arms holding implements to boil coffee, tea and cook foods, much like the colonial fireplaces we have seen in pictures. There was no way that room would get cold in the mild English winters.

London – I had the pleasure of visiting many scientists in the Museum of Natural History in this fabled town. My good friends, Jan and George, scientists in their own right who work there, introduced me to these scholars and they patiently explained their research.

It has been a few years since Mom and Dad passed away but I remember the torture I went through to try and figure out what to get them for Christmas. Even now, the thought makes me shudder.

Kuching, Malaysia – He who can stuff the most ballot boxes wins the election. I really can’t understand why the Western world cannot accept this obvious concept of democracy.

Kuching, Malaysia – I decided that I was tired of living, sleeping and traveling alone. I am ready to find a wife and begin a new marriage after five years of bachelorhood. I have met many ladies here in Malaysia and have been courting a 42-year-old Malay girl. (see last weeks column).

Kuching, Malaysia – Being a relatively healthy male, I enjoy the company of women and learning the dating customs has been a challenge. Wandering around in my mid 50’s, yet thinking I am in my 20’s, I have met and carefully enjoyed many platonic associations.

Doha, Qatar – What happens if you are a small country and have billions and billions of dollars located on top of the largest gas field in the world? Building the largest most modern commercial airline on the planet is one goal.

Kuching, Malaysia – “I like my tummy soft and round, not flat and hard like the cold hard ground” I sang to myself. These were remnants of a song I had heard on one of those PBS radio shows featuring local artists from around the country. I don’t remember the tune except it was country, but the words have stuck with me ever since.

Middletown, MD – “It’s a grand old flag, it’s a free flying flag, forever may it wave!” This tune ran through my head as I walked up the hill to the parking lot in Middletown for the annual celebration of Middletown Days. I stopped and watched a fife and bugle ensemble, dressed in 1776 uniforms, playing a patriotic song whose melody I recognized but could not pinpoint. A tear came to my eye.

Kuching, Malaysia – “Where did the restaurant go?” I asked. The open air facility seated about 100 people and lined along the sides, small carts sold a large variety of foods. One peddled fried rice with many manifestations: fried rice with vegetables, pork, beef or seafood or a combo of one or all.

Kuching, Malaysia – Illegal logging and poor forest practices are two separate things” and “if there is one thing I hope could be improved over time it would be the quality of data that everyone could share” are the words of wisdom spouted by one Alberto Goetzl. Mr. Goetzl, a policy bureaucrat wonk from Poolesville, Maryland has been sharing these brilliant insights to the people of Malaysia through a program sponsored by the U.S. State Department.

Krabi, Thailand – This beach resort has the atmosphere of a quiet upscale scene as opposed to the honky tonk of Phuket Island or Ocean City, Maryland. The beaches, hotels and restaurants are filled with sexy Swedes. I can't seem to get away from those blue eyes and blonde hair, nor do I want to. They have taken over South Thailand.

The revolution will come, the question is when. Many believed there would be a problem after the sentencing of Aung San Suu Kyi on July 31 and August 11.

Preface: – The following opinions are from my travels in Burma, talking to dozens of people in quiet whispers, over quick cups of tea or in back alleys. I did not seek these people, they found me. They knew I was an American. I did not advertise it. I just told the truth when asked. I refuse to hide behind the flag of another country. I listened and offered the support of a nod or an arm squeeze. I will not name locations, professions or anything else that could give a hint of identification.

Imagine the generals who run Burma as the head of a spoiled, meat-red octopus with vomit green eyes. Imagine tentacles with huge white suckers strangling any form of democracy as its army. Imagine silk black threads running off the tentacles forming a web, hiding, listening and reporting back, the secret police. All three parts of this hideous hydra need money, lots of money, to stay alive.

Mandalay, Burma (Yangoon) – The joys of visiting a new country and the experiences with local people assemble a wealth of knowledge about a nation. Even though I spoke nary a word of Burmese, I managed to communicate.

I had many preconceptions about Rangoon before arrival. After reading Internet sites, travelers tales and newspaper reports, I expected an impoverished, starving nation devoid of western goods.

[Editor’s Note: Tom McLaughlin recently spent several days in Burma, officially the Union of Myanmar, a nation controlled by its military. Over the next six publication days, Tom will relate his experiences in a style all his own.]

[Editor’s Note: An earthquake struck West Sumatra, Indonesia, on August 16. Our intrepid correspondent, Tom McLaughlin, was on a travel foray there at the time. This is his account of his personal experience.]

Kuching, Indonesia – Lions and tigers, oh my! Save the rainforest! We must have the biodiversity! The jungle absorbs carbon dioxide and releases oxygen. We need it or we will die!

Santubong, Sarawak, Malaysia – Shhhhhh! It’s a secret! Don’t tell anybody! I want to hoard this event for just my friends! I don’t want anymore people to come. As far as I am concerned, there were just enough people here a weekend or two ago.

Kampung Boyan, Sarawak, Malaysia – The sampans ply the Sarawak River between two docks. On one side, where I live, is the city with tall buildings like the Hilton, Grand Margurita (formerly the Holiday Inn), Harbor View Hotel and my 16 story edifice housing my modern condo. These are all at least 10 stories high.

Phuket Island, Thailand – Tourism and retirees are the major sources of income for those living in the Phuket area. A very impoverished region, thousands are underemployed along the coast serving the needs of westerners.

Phuket Island Thailand – Every week I play a game I call “Air Asia” roulette. The local price buster airline offers weekly sales well below any advertised price. When I say “well below,” I mean deep ocean discounts where sometimes one can fly paying only the airport tax.

Kuching, Malaysia – “Sir! Sir!” the voice pealed behind me. I turned around and there was a very pretty young Malay girl trying to hail me. I was on a busy shopping street that had been closed to traffic and reverted into a pedestrian walk way in downtown Kuching.

Kuala Pilah, Malaysia – My friend Dzul urged me to return to Kuala Pilah, a two-hour flight, for a reunion with his class. I had started teaching in 1974, just after his group had left; but some had returned for the next level of education (form six). The best and the brightest, they scored the highest on their exams. These were the former students who remembered me after 35 years.

Aboard a Malaysian Airlines Flight – “How do you spend 22 plus hours on an airplane and still stay sane” is the question I am often asked when I travel back and forth from Malaysia to the States. My reply: “I have never been sane in my life, so why would this make any difference?”

Matang, Sarawak, Malaysia – “Froggy went a courting he did ride, uh hum, froggy went a courting he did ride, sword and pistol by his side, uh hum”

Kuching, Indonesia – “A watch beginning at US$10,000!” I exclaimed. “The time piece,” I was corrected, “is an heirloom to be passed down through the generations.”

Gunung Gading National Park, Borneo Island – I could tell you a lie and say I hacked my way through the jungle to see the largest flower on the planet. I could write that I slept in a hammock fighting off vipers, leeches and hordes of mosquitoes just to witness the flower before it faded into a rumpled mass.

Even when he was deep into his Alzheimer’s state, Dad always seemed to know when it was Memorial Day – Decoration Day, as he called it. I guess it might have been the war movies that showed constantly on the television that clued him in, or maybe he just knew.

Kampung Santubong, Sarawak, Malaysia – Alfred Wallace’s second and most famous Law of Natural Selection “suddenly flashed upon him” (his words) in February, 1858. With the monsoon season beginning to taper off, he suffered from malaria induced fevers.

Kuching, Sarawak, Malaysia – The London scientific community viewed Alfred Wallace as a redneck, or, in their lingo of the day, a collector. These were people who went out to the tropics with a butterfly net or gun and brought back animals that were sold to the public.

Kuching, Sarawak, Malaysia – The monsoon season had settled in and my exploring the nearby rain forest had come to a halt. Blinding 24-four hour rains and muddy, slippery paths drove me indoors searching for activities. It was time to pursue my interest in Alfred Russell Wallace.

Seremban, Malaysia – I returned to the groom’s home after a refreshing sleep. To my surprise, a ceremony was in progress. I thought I had it down about Malay weddings, but this part was not in my file.

Seremban, Malaysia – It’s the day before the celebration. Nazir’s son picked me up at the airport and I feigned I knew him, faking it most of the way. The marble finally dropped into the correct location in the brain and I realized who he was and could participate in the conversation instead of stupidly nodding my head.

Seremban, Malaysia – Three months before the wedding-I had returned to Malaysia after a 35-year absence, a former Peace Corps Volunteer. A couple of phone calls put me in touch with my kampung folks and a joyful reunion ensued.

Kuching, Indonesia – Twenty-five orangutans inhabit the Semenggoh Nature Reserve, about 45 minutes from my condo here. I only got to know three of them.

Bintan Island, Indonesia – To understand Bintan Island one must gain a perspective of Singapore because Bintan is a resort to this small island nation.

Batam Island, Indonesia. – The Queens, a bar, restaurant and prostitute hangout along the waterfront of Water City, Batam Island, services the western male community. All have seen better days.

Batam Island, Indonesia – The islands were calling me and with rhythms of music from South Pacific flowing in my mind, I elected to visit a couple of them about an hour boat ride off the coast of Singapore.

Lombok, Indonesia – We had finished our visit with the stump tailed Macaques and the use of my teaching techniques on the troop. Our next stop, a small enterprise, located only through a side road, winding through a housing estate filled with homes (we would call them shacks) constructed of wood.

Sengigi, Lomock Island, Indonesia – Our trip to Lombok was an example where the Internet, advance planning and advice from fellow trekkers exploded into a rusty hulk. Air Asia from Kuching to Singapore and Bali and then by ferry to Lombok, sounds simple.

Kapit, Sarawak – We disembarked from our long, green low boat with a 60hp out board motor. Climbing up the crumbling concrete steps, (we’re always climbing here) and reaching the top, we noticed six fighting cocks staked to sticks. They were far enough apart so they didn’t seem to notice each other. I guess they were waiting for their next battle.

Kapit, Sarawak – Located atop a bluff on the Rajang River, and just above the first set of rapids and below a major bend in the river, the eco-lodge backs into the beginnings of a tropical rain forest protected area. Dwarfed by high jungle covered hills, it is constructed of deep and darkly stained rain forest timber with an open, airy décor. The dining area, on a veranda, overlooks the river.

Kapit, Sarawak – During our overnight in Sibu, the desk clerk recommended a Chinese restaurant for Foo Chow cooking. We were surprised at the strange, fresh, clean taste of the meal. Absent the oily flavor associated with Chinese food in the states.

Sibu, Sarawak, East Malaysia – Christine and I left Kuching via the Sarawak River in the continuing monsoon for our trip up the Rajang River. Rains have poured from the clouds since early December and would follow us into the interior.

Bali, Indonesia – Four factors influenced my desire to forego watching the inauguration of President Barack Obama with fellow Americans here in Kuta Beach. I did not seek out places that Americans congregate, nor the American Consulate.

Santubong, Borneo – The Israeli incursion into Gaza has been met with indifference here in this Moslem land. The news has been buried in the second sections or on pages 14-15 in The Borneo Post, the local English language daily.

Santubong, Borneo – Getting used to some things here in Borneo takes time. I need to be careful with the traffic, a life threatening situation.

Santubong, Borneo – I watched television and read about the Indonesian troops preparing for possible terrorist attacks. Soldiers repelled down hotels, getting ready for a possible Mumbai incident.

Santubong, Sarawak – The condo is like most in Ocean City. Thirty floors contained two sections. I am on the 13^th. There are no others like them in this area nor can others be built because of the rainforest which is now a national park.

KUCHING, Borneo – Still sleepy and in the early dawn hours, I sat in a Chinese coffee shop in downtown Kuching. The thick black Sumatra liquid, with a finger of white condensed milk on the bottom in the clear cup, had yet to be stirred.

“Warm and tropical with pouring rains after 3 P.M.” describes Borneo in this northeast monsoon season. The city of Kuching combines old and new, with the modern Hilton overshadowing Chinese shop houses built in 1900's.

Black Friday arrives the day after tomorrow and throngs of shoppers will line up for those “deals’ in a panic frenzy. Credit, debit and anything else that still has value will be maxed out during this holiday season because of the economy. Often left in the riot are your parents.

“What has possessed you, Tom,” many have asked. “Leaving the country for Borneo Island for a year,” they wonder. “And what about your health?”

It was as if a massive salt water wave swept over the country and washed away all of the hate and intolerance. I felt cleansed, jubilant and am still high from the November 4 election results. No more African-Americans, or Chinese-Americans, or Native Americans. We are all Americans.

This election, I was proud to be a part of two Democratic congressional campaigns. The First District in Maryland, mostly on the Eastern Shore, was where I lived while in Ocean City. I moved to the Sixth District when I relocated to Middletown.

I am a Democrat and support Jennifer Dougherty and Barack Obama. I would support the Democratic ticket if the devil himself were on it. I am sure there are Republicans who feel the same way.

Once again it is time for my yearly commentary on the Nobel Prize in Economics. Here, I try to make some sense of this award.

In a secret snap poll conducted by the Maryland Democratic Party, Jennifer Dougherty is within six points of overtaking Roscoe Bartlett. This does not include a fair number of people who are undecided, or the 18-24 year old vote.

The election seems to hinge on battleground states and I visited one of them recently. A trip to Colorado Springs, called “The Springs” by locals, proved to be an enlightening experience.

I was really surprised how much Sen. John McCain reminded me of Dad. I watched him in the first debate and his mannerisms, coupled with his speech patterns, had Dad written all over him.

For the past year the nation has been embroiled in a roller coaster ride of the economy brought about by President George W. Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney and their cronies.

Other than he is a Republican, anti choice, pro war, a trickle down economist, drill here, there and everywhere fanatic, and a DNA clone of the mind (or lack thereof) of George Bush, there are few other things about Arizona Senator John McCain that bother me.

I have returned to Frederick County and noticed a movement to get everyone to speak English. I agree whole-heartedly with this endeavor. A law needs to be passed that no language except English can be spoken in public.

Throughout the past few years, there has been a blasting of the Canadian healthcare system. Many conservatives point to the “awful” conditions up north as an example of what can happen if the government gets involved.

They’re back! After watching the March Past during the opening of the games in Peking (old spelling), I settled in to watch some of the sports. And wonders of wonders who did I see? Those two great representatives of American dirty old men, Misty May and Kerri Walsh. They were playing the great American sport – beach volleyball.

Race is – and will continue to be – a very big factor in the presidential election. Sen. Barack Obama has called for change; however, his skin color will be too much of a change for many. White, not John McCain, will win the election.

There are a many similarities between North Ontario, Canada and Western Maryland. One of the most obvious is the bears. Both areas must bow to what the residents consider regulations promulgated by a foreign government.

Sen. Barack Obama sure is having problems with preachers. First it was the Rev. Jeremiah Wright and now the Rev. Jesse Jackson. Both have added a sense of amusement to the campaign.

Everybody wants to write a book, including me. A recent survey revealed that 87% of all Americans want to take pen in hand or fingers to keyboard. There are three reasons experts have cited; and they include a person having a message to share, ego and money.

The main focus of the oil crisis has now shifted to people called speculators and fund managers. As a liberal Democrat, who reads the Wall Street Journal (now there’s an oxymoron), I have endeavored to learn how they fit into the equation.

We purchase billions upon billions of dollars of goods from the Chinese. They, in turn, take those dollars and invest in conservative and safe instruments like American T-Bills. This circular path has caused alarm among some that they have the power to wreck our economy and bring America to its knees. However, to destroy our economy would also mean wrecking theirs.

For the first time, it was announced recently, the life expectancy in the United States reached above 78 years old. Some may rejoice at this news, but one must be very careful because the quantity of life may have increased but the quality of life has decreased. This quality not only affects the individual who has reached the golden age mark, but the many people who care for him or her.

These are some direct quotes about the Great White Shark: “Unlike most fish, white sharks are intelligent, highly inquisitive creatures.”… “No one has seen white sharks mate” (that’s understandable)…. “When I am on the boat, they’ll pop their heads out and look me directly in the eye and once when there were several people in the boat, the Great White looked each person in the eye one by one, checking us out.”

Why are world food prices so high? How is this connected with illegal immigration? Why do we have a $91 billion Farm Bill? How are these related?

I love women and now that the Memorial Day weekend has just passed, they are parading on the beach in as little clothing as possible. And I am sitting in my sand chair watching.

Even when he was deep into his Alzheimer’s state, Dad always seemed to know when it was Memorial Day – Decoration Day, as he called it. I guess it might have been the war movies that showed constantly on the television that clued him in, or maybe he just knew.

In my last column, I said I would contact Black leaders to try to answer my questions about the perceived new relationship between Blacks and Whites. I didn’t. The reason is lack of courage.

I am confused about Black America. What is the message Barack Obama and his supporters are sending?

“Las Vegas was built and runs on tips” was the advice given to the bus load of passengers as we returned from the Grand Canyon in a not so subtle hint. To make sure we got the point, on the “menu” at the National Geographic Center where we were served the most god- awful lunch probably prepared from the remains of animals on failed expeditions, was advice on how much to tip him, which was between $5-$10 depending on the service.

"Good luck to you" is the farewell greeting stated to people when used instead of "bye" or "have a nice day" here at Sam’s Town Casino and R.V. Park.

Viva Las Vegas! Viva Las Vegas! The Elvis Presley tune has not left my brain since I decided to visit that city in the desert.

I have trouble equating human life with money. It’s like combining an apple and an orange to make a new fruit. Shakespeare and algebra simply will not go together in a publishable book.

Where in the world are we going to put the chicken poop? That is the question most people on the Eastern Sore are asking. “Not in my back yard!” said the towns. “Not in my backyard” said the counties. Not on the fields said the wacko environmentalists.

The people in Ocean Pines are so old! That’s what I discovered when I returned to Middletown after a month’s absence. It is so nice to see young people and families. Strong vibrant individuals walking purposefully onward in their lives.

Hanging around a redneck bar gives one a certain window on the economy. I have spoken to painters, dry wallers, contractors, roofers and others. I discovered that the ones who have done quality work in the past and have a good reputation have more business than they can handle.

I have tried many different and unique ways to meet ladies of quality and one of them is to join poetry groups. My logic is that warm, sensitive and intelligent women would be attracted to these gatherings and I would woo them with my rhymes.

I have started to go back to bars. In my drinking days, I loved them, but with all the medication I take now, it puts a damper on that exercise.

The Town of Ocean City has come up with a brilliant idea to lower their taxes by $14 mil or so, and to raise the taxes of the good people of Worcester County by the same amount.