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December 14, 2004

Some on The Couch Due To PEST

Jason Grabill

I read recently in Opinion Journal (the Wall Street Journal's Daily email opinion piece) a bit that had me laughing so hard I could barely breathe. It seems that Kerry supporters down in Florida have been in therapy since the election.

Yep! Not that this really surprises me, of course. Nowadays, pretty much every Democrat is in some kind of therapy. But, this is special. This therapy is called (I kid you not) PEST. That stands for "Post Election Selection Trauma".

Now that you've caught your breath and stopped laughing, we can go over this detail by detail. I know! I know! Some people will say that poking fun at the left in this depressing time for them is unfair, "mean," and whatnot. But, I just can't resist. They invite ridicule. It would be wrong not to accept it.

Before getting into this any further, though, can you imagine Republicans doing this type of thing? Really! Can you? I can't. If Bush had lost, I wouldn't have been happy, nor would the Republicans I know. But, therapy? The only therapy I would have taken would have been from the liquor store; maybe stocked up on canned goods for the upcoming terror attacks or something. But, therapy? C'mon!

However, these people are serious. The counselors for these sessions say "It's no joke. People with PEST were traumatized by the election. If you even mention religion, their faces turn blister-red as they shout at Bush". Robert J. Gordon, AHA executive director.

Chew on that one awhile.

They are 'traumatized.' In my law enforcement and military career, I've seen plenty of trauma inducing things; violent crime; horrendous car crashes; starving refugees by the thousands. But, an election loss? Not unless you were in some third world country where they round up the losers and they disappear. What I find more interesting is that if you mention religion, they "get blister red and shout at Bush."

Well, I've found a new party trick. Next Democrat I see, I'm gonna yell "Religion" as loud as I can, and watch them turn six shades of red and scream. Heck, maybe I'll sell tickets.

OK, then. Further along in this article, we have the woman who says she "wants to be a patriot, but it's impossible to be a patriot in an immoral war." I'll let that one ride, because the second part is more fun. "Bush is breaking up marriages and dividing families by keeping our troops in Iraq."

Do/say what?

I'm not sure if the divorce rate is on the rise because of the war or not. What, exactly, does she think the military does in peacetime, anyway? Sit at home with the family wishing something would happen?

I think this lady probably still doesn't own an American flag, and if she did, would never fly it in front of the house. "What would the local Democratic Party think?"

I promise, this is the last quote, but it's a doozy. "We mostly let them vent during the first session," Gordon said. "By the third session, we'll be doing some meditation exercises to aid some of their symptoms. We may use visualization and some techniques designed for bipolar disease and other mental disorders. That might help them adjust to reality."

I'm not gonna touch that one. You can draw your own conclusions.

The article goes on and on, so I'll just hit on the highlights from here. Did you know that PEST-y people are "scared to death" of Rush Limbaugh and talk radio? Yep. "People with PEST tremble physically."

Oh yeah. Sounds like too much latte to me. Might want to cut back a bit.

So, now you know. The next Democrat you see, remember they are terrified, shake a lot, and have problems adjusting to reality. Be nice to 'em.

Just don't mention religion.

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