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The Tentacle


July 4, 2017

Facts of the Glorious Fourth

Harry M. Covert

While all true patriots celebrate birthday 241 with all sorts of festivities, and you know who you are, it's a bit okay to explain a few things on this July Fourth.

 

There is no truth to reports that the all-American hot dog was created in a New York delicatessen, or by founders of the national pastime – baseball.

 

While millions will be chowing down on the delicacy today, of course, it has been Americans who perfected the "dawg." With an asterisk we will credit Frankfurt with the origination of frankfurters. Transparency is important.

 

Let's proceed to another important anecdote of this great day that began in Independence Hall, Philadelphia. I cannot tell a lie, historical sanitizers. The fighting words began with 13 liberty bells ringing around the "mad as h-e-double-ell" colonies.

 

While the flags are flying vigorously, I would like to report that Marylanders and Virginians take great pride in the Chesapeake Bay. These waters brought forth such classy foodstuffs as blue crabs, clams and those oysters, all enjoyed with particular glee on this day.

 

There are those watermen who swear their provender was discovered first and foremost by their forebears, who joined the battles against the Redcoats.

 

Again, in the interest of "truth, justice and the American way," Bay historians got the facts wrong.

 

Scientists, not involved in the climate change spiritualism, discovered 300 years ago that oysters were found in South African caves 164,000 years ago. Some religious investigators say oysters were eaten raw 2,500 years BC.

 

On this day of remembrance, there is no reason to get into a historical debate. Enjoy the mollusks. There has always been a thought that oysters increase human libidos.

 

The words and thoughts of true Mary-landers and Virginians can be considered facts with a touch of footnotes.

 

Here's another little note. I don't know if school teachers use this, but they should.

 

Three presidents succumbed on The Fourth of July. This is factual.

 

Thomas Jefferson, principle writer of the Declaration of Independence, was third president. He joined the heavenly climes on this day 1826 in Monticello, VA.

 

John Adams, the second president of these United States, joined Mr. Jefferson on this same day and year in Quincy, MA, a few hours later.

 

James Monroe, the fifth president, died on this day in 1831 in New York City. He was a Virginian, too.

 

To complete this glorious fourth, what the brave signers started in Philadelphia ended at Yorktown, VA, on October 19, 1781.

 

The menu that day for the Continental Army was in all probability beef jerky and hardtack. For The 8,000 Redcoats who surrendered, tea time wasn't too good and no picnic.

 

hmcovert@gmail.com

 



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