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August 3, 2016

A Proposal for The “Trump Barricade”

Tom McLaughlin

Kuching Malaysian Borneo – Suriani (my wife) and I watched the Republican and Democratic Conventions on CNN out of London. They started at about 6 a.m. here.


We were very impressed with the poise, sensitivity, grace, confidence and polish of Mr. Trump of New York. What a magnanimous individual he is! Mr. Trump's speeches gave us an assured insight into his diplomacy.


In the spirit of unbridled capitalism for which he is so famous, we have decided to help him build his wall between the United States and the menace that is Mexico. We need to keep those huddled masses, pressing on the border, huddled in their squalor and filth that is their country and not sully this perfect Union which is America.


In the spirit that made a America great, we assume the project will be put out for bids, the highest two bidders will win the job to build the "Gigantic Barricade of Trump" to be built from sea to the shining sea, the Pacific Ocean to the Gulf of Mexico, soon to be renamed Lake Trump. Of course, only bidders who currently reside in the glorious United States of America will be able to participate.


In the spirit of competitive capitalism, two American companies will be awarded contracts. One will start building at Tijuana National Park on the Pacific Ocean south of San Diego, and the other at South Padre Island, Texas, a total of 1,573 miles of wall. The first company to reach the half way point will be given the State of Montana for a Bison shoot to finally eradicate the National Mammal once and for all. The meeting point will be 786 miles from each point.


The Great Wall of China is about 2,145 miles, but with following the scraggly line of the Rio Grande River The Gigantic Barricade of Trump should about equal the distance. The Trump Barricade will be 50 feet high. Across the top, a four lane highway with a bike/jogging lane will allow traffic and, especially military vehicles, to patrol the barricade. If a breach in the barricade occurs, they can reach it very quickly.


Small Trump motels, Trump restaurants, Trump gas stations and Hillary toilets, which empty freely onto the Mexican side, will be available every 100 miles. A Trump helicopter express, travelling the length of the wall, will ferry people to and from work. The helicopters will leave Padre Island and Tijuana National Park in the morning and return in the evening for the motel, fast food and other American workers. They will be paid in Trump dollars that can only be spent on the barricade.


Also, at these rest stations, a barracks for military personnel with a swimming pool and mess hall will be built as well as a landing pad. Each one will be named Camp Trump. At each station a 30-foot statute of Mr. Trump will be constructed. The eyes will have piercing red lazar rays that will survey the Mexican side with the head moving side to side. A scowl on his face to scare the huddled masses will reveal teeth with more lazer rays swinging downward and from side to side. The right hand, with four fingers missing, will be raised.


There will be recreational possibilities, also. The Trump Marathon, Trump stock car race, and the Trump rodeo will also be developed along the top of the wall.


Well, Mr. Trump, there is my proposal for the Trump Barricade. A wall that will be seen from space, a recreational edifice and major highway connecting San Diego to South Padre Island. The Chinese Wall will pale in comparison.


The trouble is, Mr. Trump, we will have to watch it being constructed from afar. You see my wife, my son and I are all Muslims and will not be allowed back into America. However, we wish you luck on the Gigantic Barricade of Trump.


...Life is good. . . . .


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