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July 3, 2014

E’nuff Is E’nuff, Already!

Patricia A. Kelly

United States school systems are beginning to ban birthday cupcakes from schools, one end result of First Lady Michelle Obama’s strong support of guidelines regarding nutrition in school. Really? Children may no longer bring cupcakes to school on their birthdays?


I’m sure there must be a lot of good reasons for this. There’s always the possibility of cupcakes containing too much sugar or fat, the possibility the flour was milled within 30 miles of a peanut, the possibility of gluten being found in the cupcakes, or even that some kids are overweight and one cupcake will take them over the edge from just obese to morbidly obese.


First Lady Michelle thinks that children should celebrate their birthdays with new pencils, or maybe erasers, or extra recess time. Really?


I wonder how Mrs. Obama and Sasha and Malia celebrate their birthdays. New pencils? Special crisp, marinated green beans on skewers? Recess? How about an extra half hour on the treadmill?


The American people have a lot to put up with already.


For one thing, we’re putting up with politics and elections. First, the primaries, now thankfully over, but very soon the general elections. The fourth district senatorial race – – really? I’ve already seen a new campaign ad which portrays a candidate as someone akin to Buckwheat from the 1930’s Our Gang comedy series. Can’t wait for the rest of the season. No wonder people don’t vote.


Let’s not even mention presidential election distortions.


When you call for assistance with your phone, computer, or newspaper subscription, likely as not, you will speak to someone in India or the Philippines. They’re working the overnight, by the way. I’ve given up even thinking of speaking to someone in my own country, and started talking with them about their personal lives. They say they don’t mind working all night. They’re very happy to help me.


There’s the food thing, too. Our meat is artificially marbleized by force feeding of corn, altered with hormones and antibiotics, and contaminated with feces. Cook your burgers well done, folks, or you and your family could lose your kidneys, or even your lives. You weren’t expecting Food and Drug Administration inspectors to keep your meat butchering and processing safe and humane, were you? Really?


As for other foods, they’re genetically modified and processed to death. I always get excited if I see bugs in my food, as I know it must be real. Bugs are kind of picky.


The oceans are contaminated with plastic trash; cigarette butts litter the sidewalks, not to mention condoms and dog poop. Outside of restaurants, impromptu smoking areas have sprung up for those exiled to polluting the street corners.


Let’s not forget the neighbors’ dogs. Yes, it’s against the law for the little monsters to bark all day and night, and you can call the police every time they bark, or keep a log and get them a citation, but should you really have to go through all that to live in peace in your own house?


Have you seen a graduation announcement lately? They cost $5 each now, so people make them on their computers and get them printed at Walgreens. Yuk!


In the face of all this that we’re enduring so cheerfully, the First Lady is trying to take away our cupcakes.


It’s one thing for our government to take over our healthcare system, bribe the states into accepting Common Core instead of local control of the school system, unleash the Internal Revenue Service on conservative political groups, confiscate our cell phone records, reduce our second amendment rights, and completely fail to make any reasonable effort to secure our borders.


It’s another thing to take away our kids’ cupcakes. As far as I’m concerned, the line has been crossed. It’s time for a new American Revolution.


Go ahead, government. Have your way with me. Spy on me, control me, steal from me, lie to me, do as you like, but don’t even think for one minute you can get away with taking my kids’ cupcakes. Them’s fighting words, and I’ll be comin’ fer ya. Be sleeping with one eye open.


Birthday cupcakes? Really?


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