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The Tentacle


November 28, 2012

Saying ‘Daddio’ on Economy

Norman M. Covert

I give in! I have been converted like Saul of Tarsus on the road to Damascus. Sixty-two million American voters cannot be wrong; therefore I have retired my “Don’t Tread on Me” flag.

 

Ravenous shoppers invaded malls and specialty centers from Thanksgiving Day to Black Friday, including Cyber Monday’s on-line shopping spree. It was the ultimate celebration of America’s economic stability as bargains found homes. It is the American Dream!

 

Obviously the reports of our morphing into the Greek economic tragedy are erroneous. We suspect it was a credit bonanza.

 

With such good news and enlightenment, I’ve asked Santa for a Nancy Pelosi/Harry Reid autographed copy of the Affordable Care Act. Plus, as a stocking stuffer, I hope to be surprised with a “Che/Occupy Wall Street” Tee-Shirt.

 

The economy is obviously doing great, a prophecy fulfilled! The few trillion dollar debt is meaningless in the long run, we are assured, and the “Fiscal Cliff” is likely a figment of the opposition party’s “War on America.”

 

During his campaign President Barack Obama insisted the economy was on the right track, that we were headed in the right direction. Considering the abundant evidence, I must believe him.

 

The stock market is like always: some days up, some days down; the gross domestic product (GDP) grew by two percent in October (ignore that it peaked at 7.86 in 1986). These are said to be good numbers by many economists on CNN, Nickelodeon and MSNBC.

 

Unemployment dropped precipitously to 7.8 percent in September due to a timely and unexpected increase of people working out of their homes on a part-time basis. It did edge up to 7.9 percent in October, but the White House assures us this is an aberration.

 

We are told that the dramatic rise in early November weekly jobless claims will have no negative impact on the economy; we should ignore the December 1 report.

 

Our president encourages Americans to remember the “Winter Holiday” celebration in December and use credit to help the economy grow. Consumer spending is a major factor in the economic report card.

 

Apparently my attending my hometown John W. Daniel Elementary School (1956) and Christopher Newport College (1962) in the same building put a crimp in my logical thinking.

 

Miss Roberta Saunders drilled 6th grade arithmetic into me and Professor Usry introduced Hans J. Morganthau’s “pluralistic concept of human nature,” which must have gone over my head, disqualifying me for State Department service.

 

President Bill Clinton’s trusted advisor, irascible James Carville, is credited with coining the phrase, “It’s the economy, stupid.”

 

Not to be confused with, “What is this thing called, Love?” I erred in extrapolating that into: “It’s the stupid economy!”

 

Further eliding it with the definition of “is,” I recalled, “stupid is as stupid does!” (Mrs. Gump, Forrest’s Mama).

 

Then, with finality, “It’s stupid!”

 

Ultimately, I was “Stuck on Stupid” (Lt. Gen. Russell Honore).

 

The latter apparently best described my previous skepticism of Mr. Obama’s wisdom and foresight forged on the streets of Chicago, Boston and New York City.

 

This personal awakening of mind, spirit and new political allegiance is thrilling. Apologies are offered to those who may have been offended by any feckless and ignorant assessment of the economy.

 

It was self-serving to ignore my presence among the 47 percent, which Gov. Mitt Romney eschewed in his campaign planning. I’m sorry I voted for him now that I realize my dependence on Mr. Obama’s benevolence.

 

There is my monthly retirement annuity, the reduced Social Security dole (my fair share as a “double dipper”) and Medicare, which I was privileged to start paying into in 1982 as a federal employee.

 

What would my circumstances be were it not for a caring and paternal government? A milestone was signing a mortgage loan at the bargain 13.5 percent interest rate under President Jimmy Carter in 1979.

 

The 2012 version of TurboTax® arrived last week. Only it knows what my fair share of taxes will be. The childhood admonition that “sharing is caring” includes income, according to Mr. Obama.

 

A font of knowledge may be opened as I seek understanding of Mr. Obama’s foreign policy. It has brought peace and contentment to the Mid-East and Southwest Asia, especially Afghanistan, Egypt, Gaza, Iran, Israel, Iraq, Lebanon, Libya and Syria. How could I have doubted Mr. Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize?

 

Anyway, I am thrilled to see my begats flocking to the malls to buy things and underscore the vigorous economy. They have answered the call of America’s quest for change.

 

Now, let me get my tongue out of my cheek.

 

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