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May 19, 2010

A Horrible Inner Debate

Tom McLaughlin

(Editor's note: This is part two of Tom and his new wife discovery that they are with child and their reaction.)


The doctor had told us Suriani was with child and we sat there in a state of shock and protested it was impossible. A vasectomy earlier, plus a diagnosis that she could not have children, had all but negated the possibility; but the facts could not be denied. The doctor made an appointment with an ob-gyn for 9 A.M. the next morning to make sure all was well.


The rest of the day and night was sheer agony as we debated what to do. The first concern was my wife’s health. We decided we would terminate if her health was in jeopardy. That was a given. No question there.


I had always been in favor of a woman’s right to choose, but like the vast majority of people who have taken a political side, I had never had to face the question. Now I did.


My right of choice had come from the deep belief that I would rather have those who choose to terminate go to a safe, clean clinic and not the back alleys and coat hangers of the horrible past.


I was ticked off by what I saw was the hypocrisy of the anti-abortion forces. I had never seen billboards, ads in teen magazines or other advertising that offered help with adoption, raising a child or financial support. If I couldn’t find them, neither could a scared teenage couple, making the decision alone.


“Our serene life style would be changed,” we both said. “Our future travel plans would become one major hassle,” we both agreed. “We were both too old.” The debate went on. Tears, agonizing discussions as we pulled, tested and discussed our deepest beliefs. We both agreed not to tell anyone and to let this be our decision.


After a sleepless, night, we changed our minds. I called my daughter in the states and my wife called her mom. We both talked to trusted loved ones, looking for support and input. We hugged a lot.


After testing our values, we decided abortion was wrong. Everything that made any sense, either financially, life style wise or any other practical reason that supported termination was discarded. Abortion was wrong. Period.


We went to the gynie but I was still a bit shaky on the decision. Then, I saw the baby for the first time on the monitor. That cemented my resolve as I remembered doing the same thing 25 years ago with my two beautiful daughters. Let go…let God, a phrase I learned just a few days ago from a friend, became my mantra.


Another thing also became super glued into my value system. No president, senator, congressman or Supreme Court justice has the right to become involved with me and my wife in this horrible decision-making process. There must be a choice without intervention from the government as they are not part of who we are and what we are about.


People waving signs along roadsides, elected government officials who would deny people the right to a safe, clean procedure and other anti-termination forces need to shut up and go back into their caves. If they want to do something, take that campaign money and energies and open homes for those children who are the undesirable adoption candidates – like crack babies – and volunteer to help them out.


Those elected officials who rely on anti-abortion money to fund their campaign should be rousted from office. Politics has no business being in this decision that must be reserved in the right of privacy as interpreted by the Supreme Court through the Ninth Amendment.


As for me and my wife –


…Life is good


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