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November 8, 2002

Our State Song Needs Rewriting, So Here Goes

David 'Kip' Koontz

In dealing with the results of Tuesday’s election, I am trying my best to use some levity as a tool.

In turn, I thought it would be interesting and fun to re-write the state song, "Maryland, My Maryland" into what it might read with Bob Ehrlich as governor.

Did anyone notice when he gave his victory speech Tuesday night that when he said that he would reach out to minorities his supporters did not applaud?


He continued by saying he wanted to reach out to Democrats, too, and again, deafening silence among his supporters.

Kind of proves that unless one is straight, white (or trying really, really hard to be white), of a certain religious belief, and Republican, you are not quite welcome in the Grand Old Party.

You can’t dispute it, his crowd proved it clearly Tuesday.

I actually appreciated his attempt to reach out, in spite of my knowledge of his past voting record.

I also know many who voted for Mr. Ehrlich who are not prejudiced, nor are they intolerant of people's differences.

What scared me is that the die-hard supporters in that ballroom chose to stand quietly and not acknowledge his efforts.

It makes me ask, "what were they thinking they were getting when they voted for Mr. Ehrlich, someone who is divisive or someone who will reach out an attempt to include all Marylanders?"

Only time will tell, but this missive is written based my initial fears, based on my experience with Mr. Ehrlich in the past and his followers response to his comments.

And come on, would anyone expect me not to be irreverent right now? But, I digress. Here is a "humorous" look at the state song with lyrics more in keeping with Governor-Elect Ehrlich’s feeling.

The first sentence of the real song reads, "The despot’s heel is on thy shore." Of course, at the time, it was a reference to the Union, but isn’t it funny how it is appropriate today?

In that vein, I warn you now that many of you will not see the humor in this piece at all and some will even be offended, but, hey, the election results offended me, so consider us even.

Oh, and by the way, "Maryland, My Maryland" is quite a long song. If you don’t know the tune it is "Oh Christmas Tree." Really. Here we go…

"Bob Erhlich and Mike Steele are we, Maryland, Our Maryland. We celebrate our victory, Maryland, Our Maryland. Unless you’re white, or try to be, straight fundie Christian, too, you see, You really do not fit our view that is, Maryland, Our Maryland.

We do not like those pesky gays. Maryland, Our Maryland. Demanding treatment equally. Maryland, Our Maryland. We’ll seek them out and make them move They’ll like it better---in D. C. And then we’ll say we "are sin free" Maryland, Our Maryland.

A woman’s place you ought to know. Maryland, Our Maryland. In kitchen, barefoot, pregnant go, Maryland, Our Maryland. Abortion rights, well, you’ll lose those, Back alleys off, you’ll have to go, But then we’ll be "pro-family" Maryland, Our Maryland.

No arts funding, no not a dime. Maryland, Our Maryland. It’s such a silly waste of time. Maryland, Our Maryland. Stay home and finger paint is good, and read the Bible, Hum a tune, as long as it is good and true… Maryland, Our Maryland.

What about environment? Maryland, Our Maryland. Those trees and green space, what a waste, Maryland Our Maryland We’ll rip them down to build a mall, and pave the bay with asphalt gray ‘cause its about big industry, Maryland, Our Maryland.

Lieutenant Governor-- may be black, Maryland, Our Maryland. He’s just around for that effect, Maryland, Our Maryland My record’s clear, I don’t support, affirming actions, voting rights, for in our state we should be white, Maryland, Our Maryland.

Our gun laws need a good review, Maryland Our Maryland. To pack some heat - Amendment Two, Maryland, Our Maryland. Gun-carry laws good idea, too? But be aware that it is true, you’d best shoot first or I’ll shoot you, Maryland, Our Maryland.

Our public schools in need of change, Maryland, Our Maryland. For vouchers that we do approve, Maryland, Our Maryland. Tax dollars go to private schools, no education for the rest, but hey it’s only for the "best" in, Maryland, Our Maryland.

Slots, much fun for us to do, Maryland, Our Maryland. So cutting taxes we can do, Maryland, Our Maryland. Fund all our programs on a vice, but won’t it be so very nice, to pull the handle in your pew, Maryland, Our Maryland.

There’s simply much we need to do, Maryland, Our Maryland, A balanced budget we demand, Maryland, Our Maryland

So cutting programs we must do, the hungry, poor, homeless, elderly, the infirmed, the sick, the abused, the unemployed, underinsured, the working poor and all those who are not in under "our" domain," you do not simply matter to us now…so get a move on, Maryland, Our Maryland."

I know, that last part didn’t really match the tune but I got so tired thinking of what may come I simply couldn’t concentrate anymore.

In retrospect, there isn’t really much humor in this piece at all. Well, dark humor maybe. Some of us will need to maintain that in order to survive what will be the next four years.

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