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March 25, 2007

March Madness

Tom McLaughlin

Humor by Tom McLaughlin

"Our freaks playing your freaks" is the description my Uncle Buddy used to describe a basketball game. During my university days, I used to attend these events and watch as the teams ran back and forth on the court, jumping and booing with the crowd without a clue what was going on.

Oh, I knew sinking the ball was the ultimate goal; but I never knew why they would line up for a free shot. I was more interested in my date and the possible events that may occur afterwards than who actually won the game. That was the only score that held my interest.

March Madness had entered my consciousness after I decided to see what the web site "Your Tube" was all about. On the right hand side of the opening page was/is a picture that asks you to watch a clip on NCAA highlights.

It began with two very tall gentlemen with cornrows, square-diamond earrings and sporting a raccoon coat playing the violin on a basketball court. Then a game ensued where various players threw the ball into the net. The uniforms, gold, blue, red, yellow, or white shorts and singlet changed throughout the 1:12 minute film. I was able to deduce that this was not the same game but pieces of individual contests.

Interspersed, people played the violins, two men dressed in sport jackets yelling and a dude thrusting up the black power symbol from the '60s. I must say, I found this version of the game much more interesting than the ones from my college days. This included what usually happened afterwards with the girl of the moment. My score was usually zero.

I guess the "powers that be" thought I had an interest in more madness because as soon the violin-raccoon coat-black power-game ended more teasers popped up. UK vs. Kansas was enlightening because I did not know that the United Kingdom had fielded a team and was involved in this foray.

In the next clip, a game recorded on a cell phone with a seven-foot Chinese guy entertained. Another had "an emotional moment" with two guys called Kruger and Natz, with tears flooding the court. I soon got seasick watching these back and forth, back and forth motions on the court. It was similar to Hillary Clinton's position of the war.

I elected to look at the most viewed clips of the day and one included an English soccer game, which lasted seven seconds. This was followed by a Giggs vs. Lillie match where a defender watched the ball go past him into the soccer net. The third was a girl who cut the palm of her hand and was on the way to the emergency room. She probably missed her wrists after being forced to watch a lot of basketball.

The most watched videos, to my utter amazement, was a person in a cap playing a guitar. The most discussed, called the Pokeman theme song, where two college students yell, beat up a stuffed animal, lick a small dashboard Jesus figurine and a plastic 7-Up bottle, squeeze their navels to imitate talking, beat the stuffed animal again and danced around in their boxer shorts. Obviously a serious drinking problem.

You Tube proves Andy Warhol's comment that everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Here it might be several hundred seconds. It may also prove the old adage that "a fool and his money are soon parted," as I discovered Google purchased You Tube for $1.65 billion in stock.

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