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Advertise on the Tentacle

March 18, 2007


Tom McLaughlin

The author, his dog - and the elements in Ocean City

Humor by Tom McLaughlin

Omigod, it was windy! Having spent my first winter on the beach in Ocean City, the wind was relentless for what seemed like all the whole season. Small craft and gale warnings were posted for an eternity.

How windy was it? It was so windy my small dog became a kite. Not being the smartest sea gull on the dune, I goggled and came up with how others conveyed the conditions. They are all true and accurately reflect the winter here in Ocean City.

It was so windy that my ears felt battered; rime formed on my fingers; my face got wind burned; the windmills rotated backwards; the snow drifted four feet; most of the companies were not taking their glass bottom boats out; the big jet of water wasn't going (Geneva, Switzerland; I assume this was some kind of huge water display); in Cork (Ireland) that the planes couldn't land.

It was so windy we couldn't hear the birds; I could barely stand upright; they had to shut the hill down (snowboarders, Smithers, B.C.) the camera strap blew in front of the lens (ruined the picture); the double-decker buses flew away (London); I was afraid the METZ tower was going to topple (Playa, I don't know where that is.some one help?); it was tearing those little grains of ice off the glaciers and blowing those (Artic explorer Shackleton); the house rumbled all night.

It was so windy my hair stood straight up in the air (Palmer Station, Antarctic); the beauty was lost; they had the top levels of the Eiffel Tower closed (Paris); I was struggling to get back to shore (person practicing for triathlon); that it reminded me of the ferocious winds of Amsterdam; it swamped the boat; we were under a dust warning (Dallas); the lettuce on our salads kept blowing away; the flames were spreading fast; the frijoles blew across the wells edge into the drink (Cozumel); little rocks were flying into the vehicle(Hurricane Ivan, Huntsville).

It was so windy that the staff was chasing sun umbrellas (Deer Isle, Maine); I had to spend all night on a trawler because we could not launch a boat (aboard the Miranda off of Iceland); the fire eating demonstration has to be moved inside; we had cut short the rest of the ice hiking (somewhere in Chile); it looked as if the moon was going to blow away (Amsterdam); the porta-potties were blown over; the hen laid the same egg four times (Zambia humor); the station manager had to drag me into the house (Black Island, Antarctica); a perfectly struck 5-wood traveled only 120 meters (Casa Felicidad, somewhere in the U.K.); the guides told us to be very careful when we looked into the crevices (Patagonia, Chile); they had a log chain connected to the house.

It so windy that my humor column blows enough hot air to be responsible for all of the above.

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