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As Long as We Remember...

August 4, 2006

Karl & Howard, The Secret Weapon

Edward Lulie III

A recent headline revealed that Howard Dean made statements in Florida comparing GOP Senate Candidate Katherine Harris to Stalin. The mist cleared, and I could see the truth plainly revealed; Howard Dean isn't a left wing Democrat Hero at all. He is actually a secret agent provocateur for Republican Mastermind and Genius Karl Rove!

The details of this secret operation are obviously hidden; but it is clear whenever Howard Dean speaks or acts as a Democrat leader, he invariably hurts the Democratic Party and helps Republicans.

Somehow Mr. Rove managed to turn Dr. Dean to the GOP long ago and in a calculated plan helped him rise to his high position of leadership at the Democratic National Committee (DNC). Mr. Rove brilliantly positioned Chairman Dean so that he might single handedly destroy the Democratic Party's plans to regain power.

The strategy is simple. Republican workers scour the web for the wildest and most insane ravings from the far left lunatic fringe and then pass them secretly to Dr. Dean who, like a loyal GOP trooper, promptly marches out and fires away, using them at press conferences.

You can just imagine those secret phone calls from Karl Rove to Howard Dean:

Karl: "Hey, Howard, how's it going?"

Howard: "I think they are getting wise to me."

Karl: "No way, Howard, just keep selling it, they'll buy it!"

Howard: "I can't call Katherine Harris a "crook" and compare her to Stalin!"

Karl: "Howard, Howard.of course you can. It's Florida! Go at it, son!"

Howard: "But Karl, it's so obvious what I'm doing, they have to figure it out sooner or later. I mean they will see me spending the campaign money in places we have no hope to win. They'll figure out how that leaves less money for Democrats in races that they might win. It's so transparent!"

Karl: "Okay, Howard, I'll admit there might be a few people getting suspicious; but just scream louder, they're scared of you. I'll have Frist denounce you from the Senate floor; that always works."

Howard: "It's hard, Karl, I mean these people are like extreme! If I told 'em that Bush was in league with aliens and using mind control to run CBS, they'd believe it!"

Karl: "That's an idea Howard, not bad at all. I'll pass it along to psy-ops for review. Now, Howard, hang in there. For goodness sakes, they're about to toss out Joe Lieberman. Pretty soon the only people willing to be Democrats will be the ones wearing tin foil hats and talking to Elvis."

Howard: "Karl! It can not keep working; they just have to catch on!"

Karl: "Now Howard, just keep on attacking Bush. Can you believe that they still haven't figured out Bush is not running for re-election?

Stick to the plan. Now remember the script, "World War III, Quagmire! Global Warming will have Cleveland under the ocean by September 15th!"

Howard: "You do have a plan to extract me, right? I mean when they turn on me, it will get nasty, Karl."

Karl: "We don't abandon our own. Now even if things go haywire we've got our backup plan; "Operation Pelosi". If she ever gets to be Speaker of the House, you can retire; two years later we'd have Congress and the White House for the next hundred years."

Howard. "Pelosi works for you, too?"

Karl. "Howard.. Howard, haven't you ever listened to her? Of course, she works for me."

Howard: "That's unbelievable, now that you mention it, it is kind of obvious. How can the media let us get away with it?"

Karl: "Howard, they don't have a two drink limit at the press club old buddy. Now, calm down and stay the course. Just remember, "Stalin, Hitler" Heck call Bush "Zeppo".no. Scratch that entirely. It might catch on. That's far too rational an attack."

Howard: "I refuse to wear the Howard the Duck mask."

Karl: "Well, that's up to you, but psy-ops says it would make you more authoritative, give you some dignity"

Howard: "Oh, come on, Karl, just how far can I go before they figure out it's a scam?"

Karl: (laughter) "We'll see Howard...We'll see."

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