What To Expect
Humor by Tom McLaughlin
Every day is a new day! Every day is wonderful! Thatís because nothing happened yesterday, or in some cases, an hour ago. Thatís the world my 90-year-old father has slipped into. Itís not a bad place to be.
He watches the news and Hurricane Rita (or whatever the names were) didnít occur until the announcer talks about letting people back. He asks me what happened in New Orleans and I tell him a hurricane and he says okay and goes back to watching the news.
We both watch Turner Classic Movies together. Often the old World War II movies come on and he is able to tell me all about the planes and whether the story action is real. Sometimes he will fly along with the pilots and tells John Wayne how to land the craft. He was an Air Force pilot from 1935 to 1962. I have enjoyed flying with him on his missions.
Mom, now 80, is doing, Ö.. I will fool myself for a while. Thatís okay, isnít it? She has been on oxygen for about a month now and has only hung herself a couple of times with the tubing that leads from the machine to her nose.
We have some fun trying to amuse ourselves in the many different waiting rooms in doctorís offices. Watching the expressions on the faces of the other people also waiting is priceless.
Me: I have to go to the bathroom.
Me: Now you be good or I will turn off your oxygen again. (As I reach for the knob).
Me: (looking at the gauge) Mom, I see your tank is almost out of oxygen and I forgot the spare.
Me: Yup, you are going to have to hang your head out of the car window again to help you breathe.
Mom: Oh no, Not again!
Me: The doctor wants to see all the pills you are on.
Mom: There in the bag.
Me: (Counting them) There seems to be one bottle missing.
Mom: (looking) Oh! I forgot to bring my birth control pills. I needed them in the hospital last night.
Me: Thatís right!
I also try to avoid any mention of the word death. Itís hard.
Boy, she looks like death, I will comment. Whoops, sorry Mom.
Did Mrs. Anderson die, I ask. Sorry, again Mom.
You know if the states would lower the gas tax the price would go down. The only sure things are death and taxes. Mom, please forgive me!