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Advertise on the Tentacle

June 5, 2005

Ocean City's Memorial Day Weekend 2005

Tom McLaughlin

Humor by Tom McLaughlin

It was a typical problem known through the ages. He did. She didn't. In order to cool his ardor, he went down in the elevator to retrieve some ice. On the way up and back he let himself slip out. The father of the witnesses held him hostage until the police arrived.

Judge R. Patrick Bowman banned him from Worcester County and Ocean City for 18 months stating: "So you and your Johnson can go down to the Jersey shore or California coast or some other place this year." This is one example of the interactions between wild and wacky tourists and colorful Eastern Shore judges.

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They are tearing down more and more motels to convert to condominiums. The one I worked for as a college student during the summer is scheduled for demolition this fall.

There was no better job at the beach than a desk clerk. A room was provided and the owners cooked meals. We had use of the pool and discount tickets for the theaters. We could use the VIP passes for the racetrack distributed to the motel owners to encourage guests to gamble.

And then there were the girls. At that time, most vacationers rented from Saturday to Saturday. You could date them knowing full well they would leave at the end of the week usually with promises we would write and remain in touch bidding farewell through tears.

A few floral and scented letters recounting our experiences would arrive, with replies from me usually getting the ladies confused. Then they would stop. The next group would appear seeking fun and excitement that I was more than willing to provide.

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Filming will begin this summer for a reality based television show featuring the Ocean City Beach Patrol. These well-trained individuals protect the swimmers from mishaps in the surf, but most of their time is spent scanning the waves for problems.

I could not fathom how a film crew could find excitement in this enterprise until I read the program would include a section on their nightlife. The producers had worked on Baywatch and American Idol and, given my experience, there will be more than enough footage to provide many seasons of titillating entertainment.

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The Striped Bass record is back in Eastern Shore hands.

Allen Sklar, of Bishopville, caught the 52 pound, 14.4 oz. monster off Assateague. He had been fishing since 6 A.M. and threw back many sharks and skates before landing the whopper. He sat down and chomped on a sandwich and the rod bent double. He fought it for about 40 minutes before beaching the whale. He said he only goes fishing when his wife lets him. That reminds me of the bumper sticker: "My Wife said she was going to leave me if I went fishing one more time. Lord, I'm going to miss her."

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The demand for near-water property has caused some amusing risk taking. A bunch of developers have asked the county for a waiver to build single family homes in the "coastal high hazard area where the action of wind and tides, in addition to significant tidal flooding, is a factor." The applicants would be required to acknowledge there would be a "significant risk to life and property." I wonder if the real estate people will tell the prospective homebuyers.

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This Memorial Day has been quieter than usual without the normal number of vacationers. According to the televised reports, there were no backups on the Bay Bridge, or other squeeze areas like Rt. 404 into Delaware. The weather has been great for a change and I also noticed the lack of scenery strolling the beach. I usually search for the scantily clad young ladies as I reminisce about those days when I was a desk clerk in Ocean City.

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